.Sunday, July 12, 2015 ' 4:54 PM
If he's the right guy he won't leave
everything ended in a blink.
would like to thanks the jerk for playing with my feeling.
treated me as a spare tire when his lonely and when the girlfriend is not in Singapore.
i am stupid and naive to believe everything that he said.
brought hopes to me and then throw me hard on the ground when he no longer needed me.
so the history repeated, cried for the jerk every single day.
get emotional anytime, break down anytime and anywhere.
i'm glad that i got friends around to companion me, cheer me up.
i guess this time my heart have to closed up again.
and then i found out how hard it is to really change.
even hell can get comfy once you have settled in.
i just wanted the numb inside me to leave.
how matter how fucked you get, there's always hell when you come back down.
the funny thing is, all i wanted i already had.
there's glimpse of heaven in everyday.
in the friends i have, the music i make, the love that i feel.
i just had to start again.
the past is past.
don't let it to kill you.
get over bad things that happened.
it's gone.
people changed.
memories remain.
but it's time to move on.
.Tuesday, July 7, 2015 ' 11:59 AM
The feeling when you don't even know
what you are feeling.
falling in love isn't hard but falling out of love is extremely hard.
after 4 years of being unwanted, i fell in love with a guy that i actually see at first sight.
though i don't know what are we now, not couple probably just lover.
exchanging texts and missing each other. I don't know how true that he missed me but i
stupidly choose to believe him to make myself feel better.
i feel myself like a pathetic ass, no matter which guy i am with i always have to live according to their daily mood. They hot to me i happy, they cold to me i suffer silently.
i don't know what did i fucking do in the past to have such karma like as if i deserved it.
i think i cannot even step out of being hurt by guys, history is repeating again and again but by different guys.
we had movie, jogging together, kbox & dinner.
the only guy who prepared breakfast with love for me.
the only guy who prepared breakfast with love for me.
every time we meet i fall in love even deeper.
wondering if the day and time can just stop for us.
never fail to sent me home, never fail to open the bottle cap for me.
never fail to say goodnight to me but yesterday it happened.
i was really very disappointed in the morning when i read the last text from him.
texting for 1 month this is the first time that he never say goodnight to me.
it makes me feel like i am waiting for things that is not going to happen, happen.
every time i tell myself to let go, give up but just a part of me don't want to let go.
one fine day i will just give up everything, i do have my limit.
Did i really love, or was i addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so
unattainable. And just like that i untied myself, and i was free. But there was nothing exquisite about it.
there is a point in your life when you get tired
of chasing everyone and trying to fix shit.
it's not giving up, it's realizing you don't need certain
people or the drama they bring with them.
it's called living and learning.
.Sunday, January 12, 2014 ' 8:53 PM
i prefer beginnings, endings are often sad.
Basically why did i posted cars so randomly because i made up my mind!
i actually wanna get a car license asap, and save money at the same time to get myself
one of the fav. hatchback car. I'm actually motivated when i saw all of my friends getting
license as well as a car by themselves. I hope my motivation won't stop just halfway,
god bless ~
here's to another lousy year
.Saturday, December 28, 2013 ' 8:25 PM
who are you to judge me?
i don't have any motivation to do anything anymore.
i don't feel like wasting my energy on on all the pointless day to day bullshit of life.
so if you don't hear from me, i ran away in mind. Don't try ...to find me.
sometimes you just have to remind yourself that it'll all be okay,
maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day
say it enough that one day you'll actually believe it
remind yourself that things have changed, it changed for a reason, people change for a reason
you just have to let go and move on
it's going to be hard and you're gonna feel lonely but just hold on
cause whose to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life
... and then reality
just slaps me really hard
.Sunday, November 17, 2013 ' 11:42 PM
People lose each other
I'm finally back for blogging after almost a year time.
Time passed very fast this year and i have been working for my current company for like 1 year 8 months and 12 days already. I've met all kinds of different kind of people while working here.
people in the outlet, as well as in the office. I can treat people very good but base on how they treat me too. The Human Resource department i'm working at, turn over rate was really high. One year changed 4 person but i'm the only one who didn't leave. HAHAHA, is not like i don't want but because i don't have the chance as my qualification isn't high. Well, i love working here but definitely not with my dog manager. She's the most fucked up person i ever seen. I hope to study get a Human Resource Certificate by next year and leave this company as soon as possible because i guess a lot of people going to leave this company after getting their bonus.
everybody been rating me in the category of "fierce". But i'm always this fierce since young, is good that they know how is my personality, at least i don't act demure. That's all for now, i'm so lazy to continue typing but will try to post it everyday :/
Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.
It does't matter where you are, you are nowhere compared to where you go.
Success is connected with action. Successful people keep moving.
They may make mistakes but they don't quit.
Nothing is free. Because the price of anything can be found in the amount of life you exchange for it.
don't come and go
just like the others.
.Tuesday, December 4, 2012 ' 6:06 PM
What comes easy won't last.
what lasts won't come easy.
well well well, is like i'm finally back after so many many months.
work is going well but just getting sick of working life, is like i need to wake so early.
and then travel almost one hour to work, squeeze in the mrt/bus without failed!
holyshit i swear singaporean really damn kiasu, they just die die gonna squeeze in
even though there's no more space. All are just TYPICAL SINGAPOREAN.
i got a wish and is to tour around the whole world and obviously i'm dreaming.
i realized i've been working for like few years and i got no saving at all.
i might as well commit sucide seriously, reaching 20 years old which is a scary age.
i'm gonna be a mature adult next year. Omfg, just couldn't stop thinking about it.
oh ya, i've put on super lot weight. Probably like 5kg .__.
and i kinda miss the photo i just posted, is like so slim and compare to now is like -.-
come on i just kept on eating like nobody's business.
my parents keep on nag me saying about my fats that pops out.
i so wanna go onto a diet, but i can say is super hard.
the moment i saw food i can't resist of not touching that FOOD.
just let me overweight and just die literally ):
have been working overtime as much as i can because is the only way to learn more $$
and now i'm blogging here in the office to waste a lil of my time.
shall blog soon again. Kinda LAZY, BYE!
be thankful for everything,
the good and the bad.
.Sunday, July 22, 2012 ' 10:50 PM
wishing for the impossible,
that made me moved on.
my days seems to be so numbering, dying anytime.
to those people who asked me out during weekend, so deeply sorry.
i just don't feel like going out. Firstly, no money. Secondly, no mood. Thirdly, face burst.
what i mean by face burst is my pimples all burst out, cool. So i rather stay home.
nobody can see the ugly face of mine, so sick of my face. Can i just go plastic surgery,
or take in any injection that wouldn't let me grow pimples? Freaking hate, i swear.
well well well, my job contract left 1 month plus. So what should i do after that?
shake leg like a taitai at home and wait for the money to drop from sky, or trees?
now my top priority are to earn more money, takecare of my parents.
other things like friendship, relationship to me doesn't matter anymore.
these two things used to be so important to me, but lesson learned after another.
i changed my mindset, living in this stupid society, no money = no talk.
the worst moments in life:
1. not getting a text back.
2. " i'm fine ".
3. cancelled plans.
4. having a great day, only to ruined by someone.
5. burning your taste buds.
6. feeling sick and tired.
7. " i'm sorry, what was your name again? ".
8. not getting enough sleep.
9. turning to radio station to the end of a good song.
10. being ignored by people you care about.
11. feeling alone in a room full of people.
12. failing on a test you studied so hard for.
13. crying yourself to sleep.
14. not being missed.
15. being replaced.
i know it's a question you probably don't want to answer, but i just want to ask
why did you give up on me?
we're too young for this. It sucks falling for someone, getting attached,
getting used to them "always" being there.
the pain of heartbreak is more overwhelming than the feeling of "love" itself.
it's fun when everything is all good, but once it all turns to shit,
it was never even fucking worth it.
it's better to have nobody, than to have someone who is half there,
or doesn't want to be there. Sometimes i still wonder why things happened the way they did.
i hate missing someone,
and knowing they actually don't give a fuck.
