.Thursday, April 19, 2012 ' 11:09 PM
So if you love me,
why'd you let me go?
well well, i screwed up the Singapore Pools job already.
decided to give up when i went for the second training, it's really hard.
boyfriend and i have been struggling throughout that Tuesday.
today went down decided to tell the person that we aren't fit to work, we're dumb!
went window shopping with boyfriend, i want to buy so many many things.
just lack of money! I'm so gonna find a sat, sun job to earn extra pocket money.
we walked pass a shop that sell Dr. Martens Shoes. Bloody hell, eyes kept staring.
hope parents would get me as my birthday present, then i can save up this money.
changing my wishlist later on, decided not to celebrate my birthday this year.
so meaningless celebrating it, most of all. Waste money $!
rumors are as dumb as the people who started them
and as fake as the people who help spread them.
if someone really loves you, they won't make you feel like you need
to constantly fight for their attention.
i never stopped loving you.
i just acted like i didn't but i just can't.
even though i wanted to.
why do you spend time for things that make you sad
when you can spend it for things that make you happy?
moving on doesn't mean you forget about things.
it means you've accept what happened and continue living.
we're strangers again, but this time with memories.
you can crop me out of the pictures we took together,
but you can never crop me out of the memories we shared.
decided to give up when i went for the second training, it's really hard.
boyfriend and i have been struggling throughout that Tuesday.
today went down decided to tell the person that we aren't fit to work, we're dumb!
went window shopping with boyfriend, i want to buy so many many things.
just lack of money! I'm so gonna find a sat, sun job to earn extra pocket money.
we walked pass a shop that sell Dr. Martens Shoes. Bloody hell, eyes kept staring.
hope parents would get me as my birthday present, then i can save up this money.
changing my wishlist later on, decided not to celebrate my birthday this year.
so meaningless celebrating it, most of all. Waste money $!
rumors are as dumb as the people who started them
and as fake as the people who help spread them.
if someone really loves you, they won't make you feel like you need
to constantly fight for their attention.
i never stopped loving you.
i just acted like i didn't but i just can't.
even though i wanted to.
why do you spend time for things that make you sad
when you can spend it for things that make you happy?
moving on doesn't mean you forget about things.
it means you've accept what happened and continue living.
we're strangers again, but this time with memories.
you can crop me out of the pictures we took together,
but you can never crop me out of the memories we shared.
.Sunday, April 15, 2012 ' 11:07 PM
Boys with sense of humor.
had a date with Jianwei, he came over to my house downstairs to find me.
and trained down together to his house, waited for him to bathe and prepared.
he prepared maggie for both of us, while watching his brother's wedding video.
was suppose to go zoo! Ended up, heavy downpour! And my zoo trip cancelled.
changed of plan, trained down to Bishan for movie. There's a lot of movie we wanna watch.
still i told him i wanna watch Dance Street 2 more, so he watched with me.
this boy over here, chatted with him yesterday and i realize he really grown up.
the way he speak, the action he do. It's not like the past, and can't accept the facts that
he is actually my favorite ex that i once loved! The childish him still looked cute.
reached Jp, accompany him get his act cute earring, and we went off separate way.
reached home, changed up, hair tied & went out again.
had cycling with friends, slacked till 10plus pm then decided to start cycling.
all the way till Chinese Garden. i swear, that bike really sucks.
leg cramping, tiring. And super pekche with it, still managed to ride all the whole journey.
catch fish fish. I'm like going there to feed mosquito with my own blood.
keep scratching here, and there like monkey. Cycled back to Jp for Mac.
talk cock, and slacked until almost 7am then reach home.
bathe, hair dry and lie on bed till 4pm! But still sleepy, have been sleeping so little for that few days.
do a lot of housework for my mum today, since she's feeling not well.
at this timing, the boy that is inside my this picture called me. Speaking so softly.
because he used his phone secretly! Stupid boy, haha.
i don't want to wake up anymore.
i don't want to get out of my bed and i don't want to keep on trying and
i don't want to fail anymore.
i just want to give up, i just want to go away, or disappear and
i want to stay like that for a while, yeah. i'd like that a whole lot.
stupidest thinking that i ever saw:
' i just still have a little hope maybe you can start loving me again,
and my phone will vibrate and i'll see your name and you'll say i'm sorry, i love you
or something to make me smile and everything can be okay again.'
if you're tired, take a rest.
if you're in pain, stop the pain from aching.
if you're crying, it's time to give up.
but if you're dead, how can you ever revive?
.Wednesday, April 11, 2012 ' 2:43 PM
People call it jealousy,
i call it fear-of-losing-you.
i call it fear-of-losing-you.
last photo, we haven really got a nice photo yet and yeah its all ended.
yes your smile. I know it will still hang it on your face.
from what i see what had happened between us it doesn't seems to affect you at all.
i just want to know the real reason like how did your feeling fade, don't know is not an answer.
we even planned to have our holidays at genting, i'm so looking forward to it.
and this is the outcome, i tried to pull back everything back but it's not going to help.
you used to love me so much, why did it changed. I've so many why inside me.
but i don't think it still help after knowing it, you've already given up both of us totally.
at least i know i've tired my best, all the best to you.
this is all i can only say, we're friend. Probably just status as friend.
i don't think we will meet up and hang around or so, probably you can't face me.
but to me over is over, friend definitely not a problem. If i can, why can't you.
seeing you still living happily without me, i guess all this while i'm just a burden to you.
still thanks for treating me so good, friend surrounded me all know how much i praised you.
texted a few text with you, i understand everything.
not a bit of feeling left for me. I really don't understand why.
is like i'm killed but i don't know what's the reason.
i read back all those anniversary text you sent me.
i realize all doesn't go according as what you said.
i'm not gonna text you myself anymore, might be a disturbance to you.
i only know your true color now, but i don't regret.
like what people said you're still young, playful. I totally understand now.
throwing me back to the sea after saving me up. It's okay! All over.
and now we're no longer related, you won't even bother to read my blog too.
anyway my purpose for writing this post isn't for you to read.
is for myself to read when i move on to the future.
all these are memories, well okay. That's all.
most girls want a guy who would hold an umbrella over their head
& carry them over puddles.
i want a guy who would steal my umbrella, jump in the puddles
just to splash me and kiss me before i could yell at him.
will you remember me
in ten years time?
a sense tells me that,
you've fallen with another girl.
.Sunday, April 8, 2012 ' 8:51 PM
Feeling don't go away,
people do.
woke up quite early today, should be going pula ubin today.
but because i couldn't wake up on time, so trip was cancelled.
and leelim missed call me for like 50 times!! Haha, well i'm a pig! Highest record.
changed plan to Haw Par Villa instead, but somethings happened.
and well, i already prepared and ended up not going out.
so i went to bed instead, woke up at 4plus, and then send brother to camp & dinner with family.
boring Sunday, but nevermind. At least i got to rest myself, still lazy study.
you once told me that your tolerance level are super high.
but i can even pass your tolerance level, how cool am i?
maybe like what people said, i've crawl up to your head.
you wrote that you're at the end of your tolerance, don't force you.
to me i think that you don't even need to tolerate my nonsense, force you?
i won't, like what i say if we are meant to be together we will.
you're just like forcing yourself to accept me, i don't know if that was love.
i don't like you to treat me cold, and hot. It's really too random without reason.
right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you.
they're lonely, they're missing somebody.
they're in love with someone they probably shouldn't be in love with.
they have secrets you wouldn't believe.
they wish, dream, hope, and they look out the window whenever they're in the
car or bus or on train & they watch people on the streets & wonder what they've been through.
they wonder if you & you could tell them everything & they would understand.
you're never alone.
people always ask ' do you still like him '
honestly, i don't know. But i do know there's just something about him
i can't let go & i don't wanna lose him.
' i miss you ' this 3 words, i didn't see or hear it for a very long time.
i don't know why, and i don't wish to know.
i don't know things between us will change, or had changed.
i just want us to be at the honeymoon period all the time.
no quarrels, no fights, no scolding. No anything, just lovely.
late night talks
where you confess everything.
woke up quite early today, should be going pula ubin today.but because i couldn't wake up on time, so trip was cancelled.
and leelim missed call me for like 50 times!! Haha, well i'm a pig! Highest record.
changed plan to Haw Par Villa instead, but somethings happened.
and well, i already prepared and ended up not going out.
so i went to bed instead, woke up at 4plus, and then send brother to camp & dinner with family.
boring Sunday, but nevermind. At least i got to rest myself, still lazy study.
you once told me that your tolerance level are super high.
but i can even pass your tolerance level, how cool am i?
maybe like what people said, i've crawl up to your head.
you wrote that you're at the end of your tolerance, don't force you.
to me i think that you don't even need to tolerate my nonsense, force you?
i won't, like what i say if we are meant to be together we will.
you're just like forcing yourself to accept me, i don't know if that was love.
i don't like you to treat me cold, and hot. It's really too random without reason.
right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you.
they're lonely, they're missing somebody.
they're in love with someone they probably shouldn't be in love with.
they have secrets you wouldn't believe.
they wish, dream, hope, and they look out the window whenever they're in the
car or bus or on train & they watch people on the streets & wonder what they've been through.
they wonder if you & you could tell them everything & they would understand.
you're never alone.
people always ask ' do you still like him '
honestly, i don't know. But i do know there's just something about him
i can't let go & i don't wanna lose him.
' i miss you ' this 3 words, i didn't see or hear it for a very long time.
i don't know why, and i don't wish to know.
i don't know things between us will change, or had changed.
i just want us to be at the honeymoon period all the time.
no quarrels, no fights, no scolding. No anything, just lovely.
late night talks
where you confess everything.
.Saturday, April 7, 2012 ' 2:03 AM
If God brings you to it,
he will bring you through it.
sometime i tend to read back my past entries, i laughed to myself.why did i did this, or what did i did that. Seems to be really playful in the past.
some friend was reading back past entries and laughing away too.
probably things that i described or the English i had typed.
went to Jcube my sister, and friends. Well, to my disappointment.
i thought Jcube will be a cool place to shop, or rather like i will say wow when i first step in.
but no! Terribly sucks. I will rather choose to go Jurong Point still, instead of Jcube.
only the wow part will be like looking into the skating rink.
laughed at those innocent people when they fell, admit it was my bad.
just can't stop laughing because of their expression, and there's pro okay!
they're really beautiful! haha, how i wish i know how to skate!
if i were to fall, i believe there will be people laughing at me too! :(
you can say sorry a million times, say i love you as much as you want.
say whatever you want, whenever you want.
but if you're not going to prove that the things you say are true
then don't say anything at all. Because if you can't show it, your words don't mean a thing.
two hardest things in life:
letting go when all you really want is to stay
and making someone stay when you know they really want to leave.
we laughed and laughed, together and separately.
out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever we needed to be ignored,
to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged.
it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which i lived my life and didn't
think about my life at all.
do i matter to you?
