.Sunday, July 12, 2015 ' 4:54 PM
If he's the right guy he won't leave
everything ended in a blink.
would like to thanks the jerk for playing with my feeling.
treated me as a spare tire when his lonely and when the girlfriend is not in Singapore.
i am stupid and naive to believe everything that he said.
brought hopes to me and then throw me hard on the ground when he no longer needed me.
so the history repeated, cried for the jerk every single day.
get emotional anytime, break down anytime and anywhere.
i'm glad that i got friends around to companion me, cheer me up.
i guess this time my heart have to closed up again.
and then i found out how hard it is to really change.
even hell can get comfy once you have settled in.
i just wanted the numb inside me to leave.
how matter how fucked you get, there's always hell when you come back down.
the funny thing is, all i wanted i already had.
there's glimpse of heaven in everyday.
in the friends i have, the music i make, the love that i feel.
i just had to start again.
the past is past.
don't let it to kill you.
get over bad things that happened.
it's gone.
people changed.
memories remain.
but it's time to move on.
.Tuesday, July 7, 2015 ' 11:59 AM
The feeling when you don't even know
what you are feeling.
falling in love isn't hard but falling out of love is extremely hard.
after 4 years of being unwanted, i fell in love with a guy that i actually see at first sight.
though i don't know what are we now, not couple probably just lover.
exchanging texts and missing each other. I don't know how true that he missed me but i
stupidly choose to believe him to make myself feel better.
i feel myself like a pathetic ass, no matter which guy i am with i always have to live according to their daily mood. They hot to me i happy, they cold to me i suffer silently.
i don't know what did i fucking do in the past to have such karma like as if i deserved it.
i think i cannot even step out of being hurt by guys, history is repeating again and again but by different guys.
we had movie, jogging together, kbox & dinner.
the only guy who prepared breakfast with love for me.
the only guy who prepared breakfast with love for me.
every time we meet i fall in love even deeper.
wondering if the day and time can just stop for us.
never fail to sent me home, never fail to open the bottle cap for me.
never fail to say goodnight to me but yesterday it happened.
i was really very disappointed in the morning when i read the last text from him.
texting for 1 month this is the first time that he never say goodnight to me.
it makes me feel like i am waiting for things that is not going to happen, happen.
every time i tell myself to let go, give up but just a part of me don't want to let go.
one fine day i will just give up everything, i do have my limit.
Did i really love, or was i addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so
unattainable. And just like that i untied myself, and i was free. But there was nothing exquisite about it.
there is a point in your life when you get tired
of chasing everyone and trying to fix shit.
it's not giving up, it's realizing you don't need certain
people or the drama they bring with them.
it's called living and learning.
